Today's Thought: “A medicine cat has no time for doubt. Put your energy into today and stop worrying about the past.” -Erin Hunter, Rising Storm

Scared to fall in love, scared to live alone?

Enashree Chakraborty
  • We are now too afraid to take a chance on love
  • Love is more complex than a one-night stand
  • Just because the past is comfortable, doesn’t mean we don’t deserve better

Remember those lazy days of adolescence, when you would close your eyes and think of your high-school boyfriend walking up to you in the cafeteria and softly kissing you on the forehead and putting his arm around you as you walked over to a table together. Those moments between classes when you would meet in the hallway to hold hands and plan your thirty minute date after school.

Remember the time when all you wanted was to spend Christmas or New Year with the love of your life in college. All those stolen glances when the teacher was talking about God-knows-what. Those one-of-a-kind dates he or she planned jut for the two of you to spend time together. Those little bike rides and long drives when all you did was feel their presence next to you.

Remember that all-consuming love you felt for that person you met across a crowded restaurant or bookstore or at the newspaper stand on your way to work. How they looked at you like you were the only person in the world who really mattered. Those beautiful candle-lit dinners watching your favorite TV show or movie, or that walk in a crowded city when you didn’t notice anyone but the love of your life right next to you.

Whatever happened to those days?

I remember not too long ago when my boyfriend surprised me having found a restaurant that serves my favorite Tibetan dishes or the time he sent over a chocolate cake to apologize for being too busy to come to visit when I was down in the dumps. I remember the long talks we had over the phone just giggling and going on imaginary walks along the beach together because one of us was visiting another city.

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Have we really lost that?

Now when I meet a guy in a public place, I just catch him staring at my chest or scanning my complete form with his eyes. People don’t bother to ask if we would like to go on a romantic weekend away or spend some time watching a movie on the couch, just cuddling. People just don’t make those big romantic gestures anymore.

But here’s the cherry on top of the very strange sundae:

  • When someone does ask us out on a romantic getaway, we doubt their intentions.
  • When someone compliments us on ANYTHING, we think they are just trying to get laid.
  • When a relationship is going perfectly, we miss the drama.
  • When someone wants to do something nice for us, just because they genuinely are in love, we think they are trying to undermine us.

As an independent woman, I constantly come across men who want to do something nice for me. And more often than not, they want something in return. Having sorted through a countless number of perverts, self-obsessed jerks, when I finally meet a nice, romantic, caring man, I’m reluctant to give him a chance because deep down I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The truth is, we have stopped believing.

We, men and women, of all genders, races, and orientations, are now scared of letting someone in. Because the times that we did trust someone, they let us down miserably. Cheating has become second nature to most people, to the extent that they don’t even think it’s wrong anymore. Committing to someone is frightening so most people are looking for a “casual” or “open” relationship. The few of us who want something serious, are afraid to say it out loud, lest we lose a good thing that we currently have for a future that may or may not happen.

Are we seriously so afraid to let in an honest emotion into our heart?

Are we seriously so afraid to be alone that we are settling for less than what we know we deserve?

We are always settling for the “Right-now-Person” instead of waiting for the “Right Person.” We go back to the past because it’s comfortable. But we forget a very important thing. “An Ex is an Ex for a reason.

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When we were younger and innocent, we dreamt and believed. But now, we are scared to believe because we are afraid that our dreams are going to shatter in a pile of broken glass and we may not be able to withstand the blow. So we play it safe. We avoid getting too attached which prevents us from getting hurt.

The fact of the matter is, we are all pretending;

  • Pretending that we are strong when we are not.
  • Pretending that it doesn’t hurt, when it does.
  • Pretending we don’t care when we really do
  • Pretending like love is a disease that only afflicts the weak.

See, we put on a brave face and fight for everything. Everything except the thing that truly matters. We are not even brave enough to take a leap of faith, to fall in love.

In reality, the more the human race fights to be a strong contender for survivors, the weaker we are becoming. And unless we learn to be brave enough to be honest with ourselves about what we really want, and go after it, are any of u really living?

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